how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
