I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
