There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
