I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
