I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
