Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
