Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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