I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
