my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
