im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
