4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
