I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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