It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
