Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just puked most of my soul out..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
