woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
