She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
