Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
