were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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