I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
