I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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