my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
