thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
