I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
