so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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