New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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