um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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