bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So vagazzling was a success
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
