My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
