this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
