Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
