I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
