I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
