If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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