I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
