I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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