i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
