You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
