I just pynch a tree in the face
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
