I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
