This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
