Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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