He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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