But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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