i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
