I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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