No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
