Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is

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(510): View more from California

i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch

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(301): View more from Maryland

She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....

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(302): View more from Delaware

because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

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(284): View more from British V.I.-Carib

they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'

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(914): View more from New York

Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?

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