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• (618): View more from Illinois

  he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday

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• (661): View more from California

  I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment

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• (607): View more from New York

  I use my feet as sexual weapons

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.

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• (951): View more from California

  he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign

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