Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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