I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
