I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize