i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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