Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
