The maid of honor just puked.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
