I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
