Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
