Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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