i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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