There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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