FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I just put wine in my tea
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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