Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize