how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
